Sunday, 1/15: stray thoughts about love, wedding planning, oatmeal choc chip cookies
It is fascinating how love transforms your view of a person — to smooth out some awkward edges, to bring into clarity some hidden-gemmy angles. The clueless co-worker, the gossipy church lady, the pressurey salesperson…in each of these is a soft and squishy, loveable human bean, deeply loved by at least one other bean in the world, especially if you spot a ring on that ring finger. Everyone is someone’s beloved; try to keep that in mind when you’re tempted to hate on somebody, anybody. Understanding leads to love.
Today I wondered, what if Mark came back from his snowboarding trip impaired beyond repair? Like what if he fell on his neck and severed some kind of nerve somewhere and came back to me half-mobile? Devoid of our memories? Disfigured beyond recognition? Would I stay engaged to be married? I…dunno. That’s the honest pause I took. Am I not an awesome person for that pause? Yyyyyeah. I checked today, though; not impaired yet and having a great time, to boot. Whew.
There was a moment yesterday that reminded me — yet again, having forgotten — the main purpose of a wedding. (*Whispers* It’s for you to get marriiiied.) You can call me silly for forgetting, but it’s hard not to lose sight of things when pinterest boards and etsy stores abound in glittery photos of your perfect (potential) reception. Perfection, so attainable! Details, so important! I’ve been trying my best not to get wrapped up in unnecessary details of a day that will, in the end, just be one day, but alas I am but a wee human. The moment in question was in the form of a question, too — my mom asked what we’re gonna do about furniture and new household things we’re gonna be needing in that new household we’ll also be needing. And I was all like *whispers* Ohhh yeah, there’s the LIFE that’s after the wedding and all… Riiiiiight. And I’ve been spending way too much of my time pondering the feel of a playlist and dreaming up what kinds of desserts might best suit the evening. And flowers? And colors? And photograph poses? And dresses? And felt a lil silly for all of it.
What is it about being homehome that gets me in the mood to cook and bake? A lot of things. The clean kitchen. My sous chef role under Mama Lee, head chefship. The abundant availability of all ingredients, carefully chosen and ready for the taking. The in-use dishwasher. The spacious counters. I baked oatmeal choc chip cookies today, just on a whim. It was enjoyable and nonpressurey.
I think there were more, but my eyes are closing without my permission. Must go. Zzz