Thurs, 9/1/16: small group at the Murphys, where we promise to fill one another up first, before seeking to be filled.
Fri, 9/2/16: Friday night shenanigans. a dinner for the opening of Halal Guys “DC” was saved by a well-timed stop at a well-placed hteets and some well-caught apple slice samples. and then a blurry visit to a homeowner friend’s…home. cause she owns a home now. what is life.
Sat, 9/3/16: a birthday girl and her adoring fans. and her adorable bunny cake. happy birthday, A!
Sat, 9/3/16: board game night; it’s lit. Markling sweeps the wins for a game that sees through your answers into your thoughts and feelings and all I got is a win in Scrabbol. k, it was a PRETTY GREAT WIN in Scrabbol, but still, no soul-seeing power here. I think I’ve lost my touch.
Sun, 9/4/16: a wedding in Orange County…Virginia. the one wedding to rule them all! hehe nerdy references to LOTR galore. but seriously! this one restores my faith in weddings as events for fun and good times and as maybe something I, too, might want to do, like MAYbe. highlight: folk dancing at the reception, catching up with old friends, remembering to keep up with pen pals, meeting new peeps with whom to follow up with for nova hangouts. hopes for community abound.
Mon, 9/5/16: flex and things. ran around town, getting things done and also not. tj maxx, etc. being grumpy.
Tues, 9/6/16: pho dinner + living room hangouts. being grumpy.
Wed, 9/7/16: phone convos with Jo, with Iz. feeling a wee bit tired but also replenished and reminded of good friends and sisters. gRateful. still grumpy.
Thurs, 9/8/16: being fed a pasta dinner (fave thing ever) + Anne + small group + sharing some macarons of gratitude. yippie! + (!!) tickets to Boston for a November trip!
Fri, 9/9/16: goodbyes and the feeling of being seen. indian delivery and secretly stashed cake in the freezer and wine that arrives with Rachel but not WITH Rachel. meandering conversations and strong women carrying bags of trash out and clothes around. “let us take a selfie.”
Sat, 9/10/16: BIG goodbye hugs for international flights to new chapters in life. sigh!
- I would want it to be a big, fun party for everyone. no forced interactions, no forced, awkward dance circles. no reception games just for the sake of having them. just a big, big party where everyone feels welcomed and happy and full and reminiscent and celebratory.
- post-trip laundry accomplishments are the best.
- it is an exhausting thing to have one-sided conversations, whether the talking is going forth from or coming at you. sounds obvious (? does it?) but I have just realized this. makes me think that I need to be less relentless in my question-asking and more generous with answer-sharing.
- I really like [et al]. nothing in particular; just a lot of warm feelings for this brood, fiercely protective but fiercely independent, too. it’s an interesting combination of traits, but all full of love.
- “what I’m missing is gratitude.” on a drive into DC via 123 and some NW roads that I hadn’t ever seen in daylight before. those neighborhoods are seriously lovely, and I felt like it was just a gift of a morning, even though I had been so miserly with my time. thank you.
DOCUMENTATING THE SADNESS:
- [9/8-9/9] feeling overwhelmed, wanting to scale back the socializing and having those give-up feelings because I’m tired and I’m cranky and I’m feeling bad about feeling both of those first two. feeling like an infliction on the people I love the most, not giving myself the kind of break I would give anyone else in a heartbeat. also, coinciding with the days RIGHT before aunt flo, which probably is an important, also. crying myself to sleep, on the phone with an unworried markling who reassures me that it’s not all so bad, as always. despite my gut feeling yelling NO, I muster up my brain to agree YEA, you prolly right. cause he prolly right and my feelings prolly rong.
- a part of this is definitely psychosomatic, cause I’m just tie-yerd. note to self: sleep more, rest yourself more.
- it was less strong this time and less enduring. it helped to talk to mark. it helped to remind myself that my general feelings about things are not the be-all, end-all kind of Truth source that I used to take them for. that feelings are not accurate depictions of situations sometimes. just reactions, logical or not.
- recognizing that I am harsher on myself than on anyone else helped, too.