Monday, 8/8/16: feelings and friends

insights from a Monday car ride, up up up I-95:

  • lots of feelings + no structure on which to fall back on = lots of turbulence and lots of crying
  • who am I, even?


  • questions and oh’s:
    • “you give everyone a chance to make an impression on you, don’t you…”
    • “have you ever been really burned by doing that, though?”
    • yeah, once. the result? no more couchsurfing by myself.
  • the responses and hm’s:
    • maybe it’s because I moved so much, you know?
    • short times with friends and goodbyes and new hellos mean: dive in deep, dive in quick. bare your soul bare your soul bare your soul
    • open yourself and ask to be let into the other.
    • maybe I’ve only ever lived the honeymoon stages of all my friendships.
    • and then I just dunno what to do after twoish threeish years. like, what does a two-year-old friendship even look like? what does it mean? how close should we be here and now?
  • the conclusions and further questions:
    • but I still want to trust everyone and like everyone. but I’m feeling myself getting older and closedy up and not wanting to put in the effort/the energy/the time to connect. for fear and for self-protection and for laziness.
    • but I still want to trust everyone and like everyone.
    • keep the mindset but apply with wisdom.