diving board metaphors, etc.

[more] daily dose of poetry this morning, from Psalm 139:

1-6

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

 

14-18

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! 

How vast is the sum of them! 

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

 

23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart! 

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!”

 

If there’s been one prevailing lesson of the summer, it’s that there’s always a period of resistance and mulishness before a breakthrough. Or any majorly beautiful thing. I don’t know what it is about this human nature of mine, but apparently there lives a shrivelly little masochist in me that pushes Potentially/Apparently Good Things away for fear of…its newness. When did I get so afraid of life? New opportunities present themselves [okay let’s be real: God placed them in their ordained time-space-places since the beginning of the galaxies], and my knee-jerk reaction self says “Yes!!” because, thank God, that part is still a little bit alive. Double exclamation points and all.

YES I will lead…!

YES I want to help you…!

YES I want to learn…!

YES I will take this opportunity…!

YES oops wait. Can you wait for me?

But then, reliably and frighteningly, comes the BUT WAIT.

But wait… I don’t know if I’m qualified for this.

…Will I be any good at it?

…What if they don’t like me? Maybe I’ll end up wasting my time!!

…ACK what if I get rejected, heartbroken, homeless?!?! (huh? stop spiraling out of control)

…sorry, I think I need some more time to think about it.

 

But if this summer has thus far been any indication of how these things actually work out, the lesson is that things “present themselves” in their own timing, in their places, for very good reasons. And though those reasons are harder to figure out in all their detailed nitty-gritty glory, the overarching point is that you can trust in their right-ness. Because even when He gives us more than what we can handle, the promise is that God is faithful to meet us in the mess and the pain, though of course we are trying to avoid that as much as wisely possible [or are we?! since growth is in the pain and all. {an endless and mesmerizing loop of confusion}]. So stop being such a mule and say yes to more Apparently Good Things. This means: Yes! I will lead that ESL class even though I’ve NEVER done anything like this before so it’s scary and teaching adults is probably a totally different game blah blah blah more excuses blah. Yes! I will do this arts trade with you and take a chance that I might “waste my time” helping with your kid art camps this summer blah more qualifiers blah blah. YES please let me interview for this position with its confusing job description at this place whose name is an acronym I KEEP FORGETTING AH. Yes.

Experts discover that mules are more intelligent than horses and donkeys
Experts discover that mules are more intelligent than horses and donkeys

All of this…in Trust, rather than Teeth-Clenchiness. With listening ear and God-sensitive heart, rather than overpowering self-absorbed emotions and thought loops and approval from others. In recognition of the fact that the emotions and the thoughts and the counsels of people around you have also been purposefully placed in their ordained time-space-places since the beginning of the galaxies to help with the saying of yes’s and no’s. It’s confusing, but also not. Life is full of paradoxes. But also not.

And speaking of prevailing lessons, here’s one, in record-keeping, thanks to my listhings account I happen upon time and time again when I remember to remember it:

lessons on listhings
fall 2014, here’s to continued life chunks lived in semesters though that…no longer applies to me AH.

Just to close the moebius loop of a post that this has become:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

And thank God, indeed, for all of this.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s